Koala Bears are People Too....

Since the first wave of games is not yet over and I’ve already managed to get my ass handed to me in my Fantasy Football league, let’s talk about the state of the NFL shall we? Hey, as they say, misery loves company…

I see that Santonio Holmes is back from suspension for killing a baby or something. Or was it drunk driving? No, that was Braylon “Bin Laden” Edwards. So yes, he did kill a baby. But having served his sentence of a four game suspension, no doubt spent eating caviar and driving aimlessly around NYC in his Escalade, he is now ready to get down to the business of dating strippers, drinking champagne, and making it rain at Scores. If he really wants to do a service to the world, he can convince Edwards to shave that damn beard he’s been sporting. Looks like he's giving oral sex to a koala bear. Edwards is facing the possibility of jail time in Ohio on a probation violation as well. He may want to remove the French tickler before meeting Bubba. I hear he likes it when it tickles..


Speaking of giving oral sex to koala bears, Ben Rape… I mean Roethlisberger.. is back from suspension as well. While the Steelers have managed to do quite well in the absence of the Kobe Bryant of the Gridiron, his return should make a good team into an even gooder team. At least that's what Roethlisberger's last date tells me. I think she meant "better", but they haven't gotten to double consonant combinations in her homeroom yet...

Randy Moss has returned to the Vikings after being dumped by the Patriots. Reports indicate that Moss and Tom Brady had a slap fight in the Pat’s locker room during which Moss called the Princess Quarterback a girl because of his haircut. Brady had initially demanded that Moss shave his beard because it chafed his taint during “film study”. Brady likened it to “getting oral sex from a koala bear.”

Wow, Favre. I mean, just wow. Sending pictures of your wrinkled junk to a female employee of the Jets. Listen Hoss, I’m sure that shit flew in Wisconsin where everyone worshipped your ass, but this is NYC. Cmon Babe, you’re a Pig in the City now. They have certain rules and social graces. Don’t get all Garth Brooks up in here ‘cause you showed up in boots and ruined the black tie affair, cowboy.

That being said, how pissed are you that you weren’t there when that Ines Sainz showed up this year? The texts you could have sent her. Come to think of it, Brett, you do have shitty timing. You arrived too late for that Vikings Love Boat scandal too. Almost as shitty as your timing this season, ass clown. Complete a pass will you? I’m running out of reasons to blame Childress for the Viking’s demise. I still hope he gets ass gingivitis though. I can’t stand that fat bastard…