I’m giving stupid people up for Lent.
My life for the past few weeks has been a constant parade of inbred, knuckle dragging, cousin marrying, mouth breathers. And those were the women. I know that I consistently vent about people who have no sense of personal responsibility which can be the only reason that the Cosmos has chosen to grace me with the presence of every freaking idiot and moron in the Western hemisphere lately. Thus, I have been forced to spend my time at work lately actually…working. This cannot be allowed to continue. Stupid people must go…
Stupidity comes in many shapes and forms. I am sensitive to the fact that people are different, and that some people are more “special” than others. Fine. But can they at least TRY not to demonstrate their special brand of cognitive diarrhea while talking to me? I swear I have lost at least ten IQ points since Valentine’s Day talking to these jackasses. If I hear another excuse from someone with the mental acuity of a retarded hamster, I will burn down an orphanage. Just saying…
A friend of mine is giving up Facebook for Lent. While I am boggled by the fact that Facebook has become such an addiction for her that she feels the need to give it up in order to demonstrate her love for God, I am moved by her sincerity. So, I decided that I would give up porn for Lent. It’s fitting that I make this sacrifice to demonstrate my dedication to our Lord. Now if He would only come through on that Mega Bucks thing we discussed when I’m in Vegas next week. Counting on you, Big Guy!!!
So it’s settled. I’m giving up Gay porn for Lent. The fact that I have never actually watched Gay porn should in no way be interpreted as a lack of dedication to the principles of Lent. In case you don’t believe me, I will give up Gay porn and those pornos with really old, wrinkled people in them. And clowns. Clown porn is out too. That’s right. I am MUCH holier than you. Blow me.
I think I’ll also give up vegetables, soy milk, tofutti, that nasty bean curd stuff they put in Indian food, The Oprah Network, Lady Gaga, reruns of The Golden Girls, and those fermented soy beans they put on sushi.
Not necessarily in that order.
On the plus side, during Lent you can get a Filet o Fish sandwich at McDonalds for breakfast, Steak houses are noticeably emptier, and those women who have given up smoking need something to put in their mouths. It’s not for me, you understand. It’s for Jesus…
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